An Encyclopedia on "How to handle the rejections"


When it comes to being good at what we do (like our job, programming, solving a puzzle, studying etc), the key element is concentration. And nothing can shatter our concentration any worse than the pain of a rejection. The goal of this article is to make such sad people cope-up with the pain of rejection and help them feel better and to eventually make them concentrate on their work.

If you feel that this article is biased towards a particular gender, you are right. This article was originally written in my blog for school/college going teenage boys. I made few changes to it - to suit an older set of people (like job holders). And...if time permits me, depending on the comments and the demand, I will come up with a female version of this article (assuming that they won't kill me after reading this ).

For time being, the following male version is all that I have got. Feel free to test your patience by going through this loooong text....

Table of contents

(An Encyclopedia on "How to handle the rejections")


"Every teenage boy MUST face the rejection at least once. Otherwise, he will never get a chance to become a MAN"

bug - Doesit matterwho saidit

"It doesn't matter who gave that statement. What matters is how much did you understand."

- Me

What is the (non-biological) difference between a BOY and a MAN?

No, I'm not talking about Sunil Gavaskar's cricket commentary... "The ability to hit the good balls to cross the boundaries".
(Sorry for the unintended pun ;) )

Now that I have got your attention diverted with the video of Sachin Tendulkar, let me bring back the question to you.
What is the (non-biological) difference between a BOY and a MAN?

It is a hard question - espesially during a time when the gender roles are getting redefined and are getting overlapped.
I leave the burden of figuring out the answer on your strong shoulders.

Its good if we can stay as a kid forever; but unfortunately that is not possible.
We have to growup and we have to find our place in the world of grown-ups.

2. Weak foundations

What we listen in our childhood, and what we become in our adulthood

If a building is weak, chances are likely that the building's foundations are weak. Similarly, if you are emotionally weak, chances are likely that your foundations in your childhood were laid weakly.

Our entry to the world of grown ups is made easy by our parents through the valuable lessons they teach us, and also through their gender roles. One parent's teachings are more inclined towards the emotional part of our brain. And the other parent's teachings are more inclined towards the logical part of our brain. And a balanced growth is a one in which both the logical and emotional quantities are balanced.

But, unfortunately... in the modern world, the logic-teaching-parent is unable to spend enough time with the kid due to various reasons including busy lifestyle, disturbed family relations, illness or even death. As a result, the way how kids grow up is getting affected.

For example...

If a kid keeps repeating the mistake of "misplacing the pencil",

an emotional parent will teach the kid...

"If you keep doing such mistakes, people call you a badboy and nobody likes you.
If you dont do any mistakes, people will call you a good boy and everybody likes a goodboy."

And when overdosed, that kid is more likely to grow into an approval-needy, attention-clingy, people-pleaser, who often wonders....

"I have learnt how to comb my hair, tie my shoelaces, iron my shirt. Now, where the hell is my lover? From which angle is my angel landing on my lap?"

* * *

And a logical parent will warn the kid...

"If you misplace the pencil again, I'm going to recover it's cost from your pocket money".

... And when overdosed, that kid is more likely to grow into a...

cunningly oppurtunistic,
greedy fellow,
posing as a gigantic humanitarian,

...who often sketches the plans like...
"Let me encash the emotions of people by saying that they will get a great lover if they buy the stupid thing I am selling".

3. Capitalism and alpha-male v/s beta-male classification

And statistically speaking, the logic-oriented-parents are spending lesser and lesser time with their kids, thus resulting in more and more number of the so called "Beta males" (approval-needy, people-pleasing persons) And these Beta males spend a lot of time in hypnotizing themselves that the so-called "Alpha males" are better than them.

And hence, guys are classified into two groups...
The so-called beta males - who, even after interacting for years, still hesitate to interact with girls, and have less/no affairs.
The so-called alpha males - who, don't hesitate to ask a girl for a date on the very first meeting, and have many affairs.

Some feminists condemn this alpha, beta classification as male chauvinism - since it projects women as pleasure objects. And, some masculinists object to this classification as a feminist conspiracy - since it grades men based on a woman's approval.

But the reality is...

while the masculinists and the feminists are busy fighting with each other, very few people investigate if this alpha-beta classification is a capitalist conspiracy to promote their business.

Are you wondering... what is the relation between capitalism and alpha-male v/s beta-male classification?
See these...

4. Role of media in ruining our lives

And there is no wonder if someone, after watching the stupid videos, start thinking....

This commercial says that the ultimate goal is to have as many girls as possible in our lives. And this commercial claims that the stupid product will help me reach my goal. In that commercial, that guy got 4 girls after using the product. I am not a fool to believe it. In my case, that product might work with an efficiency somewhere between 70% to 80%.
So, I should get a minimum of 2.8 girls and a maximum of 3.2 girls.
WOW !!! I'm very good at applied Mathematics!!!
I'm smart. I'm energetic. I'm talented.
I will get the girls, money and popularity. Nothing can stop me !!!
I wonder when will the God send my special-one to me .

5. Role of parents : A little father-son-chat and its effects

On the other hand, If a father spends some time with his son for a little father-son-chat like...
"Son, I work in the marketing domain. I bluff people to make them buy our crappy product" ...

... then, that kid, if he is smart enough, might figure out...

"I should not believe whatever I see in the media - especially when it promises me an affair unfair advantage over others.
I will protect myself from falling into the trap created by the capitalism and marketing.
I should try to conquer my weaknesses and illusions.
And more importantly, I should try to get the ability to out-smart such traps."

6. Role of teachers

Our teachers are generally more experienced than us, and have seen the world a little longer than the time we saw it. Chances are likely that they have already seen people like us, they have already corrected others who made the same mistakes that we were/are doing. We might think that it is ok to skip few assignments, chillax a little. But in the long run, it might have some serious impact.

Lets consider an example, where the teacher has asked the students to learn 10 essays, out of which she might pick one essay for the next week's test. Stubborn students will not read any of the essays. Sincere students will learn all the 10 essays. But neither-stubborn, nor-sincere students end up learning only one essay - about the cow. In the test, the teacher has not picked a single essay for the entire class, but a different essay for each of the students. And this is how their test papers looked like...

Essay about : Student's answer
Cow Cow is a domestic animal.
Cow has many uses.
Cow has 4 legs.
Cow has 2 horns.
Cow has 1 tail.
Cow gives us milk.
Cow milk is good for our health.
Cow is good for us.
Holidays We went to our grandmother's home in the holidays. She owns 4 cows.

Cow is a domestic animal.
Cow has many uses.
Cow has 4 legs.
Cow has 2 horns.
Cow has 1 tail.
Cow gives us milk.
Cow milk is good for our health.
Cow is good for us.
Circus Circus consists of animals. But circus dont have cows.

Cow is a domestic animal.
Cow has many uses.
Cow has 4 legs.
Cow has 2 horns.
Cow has 1 tail.
Cow gives us milk.
Cow milk is good for our health.
Cow is good for us.
Tiger Tiger is a wild animal. It kills cows.

Cow is a domestic animal.
Cow has many uses.
Cow has 4 legs.
Cow has 2 horns.
Cow has 1 tail.
Cow gives us milk.
Cow milk is good for our health.
Cow is good for us.
Aeroplane Aeroplane flies in the air. It has windows.When we see down, we see grass. Grass is eaten by cows.

Cow is a domestic animal.
Cow has many uses.
Cow has 4 legs.
Cow has 2 horns.
Cow has 1 tail.
Cow gives us milk.
Cow milk is good for our health.
Cow is good for us.

Now, the teacher gets frustrated with the students, and asks them if they are really interested in their studies or if they would like to select a different career. And, not so surprisingly, the students are not "PREPARED" to answer that question either. So, they try to employ two things to answer that question...

So, the students come up with answers like this....

I will become a ... Because...
Pilot Pilots can fly the planes. Planes will have air-hostesses. Air-hostesses are ladies.
I would like to meet new ladies.
I want ladies to surround me.
I want ladies to praise me.
I want ladies to do romance with me.
Engineer To become an Engineer, I should join a college. Collges will have girls. Girls become ladies.
I would like to meet new ladies.
I want ladies to surround me.
I want ladies to praise me.
I want ladies to do romance with me.
Doctor Doctors work with the nurses. Most of the nurses are ladies.
I would like to meet new ladies.
I want ladies to surround me.
I want ladies to praise me.
I want ladies to do romance with me.
Traveller Travellers wear biggg bags, as big as a washing machine. They meet different people.
I would like to meet new ladies.
I want ladies to surround me.
I want ladies to praise me.
I want ladies to do romance with me.
Fashion professional Fashion professionals regularly interact with the fashion models. There are many ladies in the fashion industry.
I would like to meet new ladies.
I want ladies to surround me.
I want ladies to praise me.
I want ladies to do romance with me.
Rock Star Rock stars have fans. There will be female fans as well.
I would like to meet new ladies.
I want ladies to surround me.
I want ladies to praise me.
I want ladies to do romance with me.

If the students are lucky enough, they can get a teacher, strong enough to bare this level of shock-treatment. But, if the students are not so lucky, the teachers will faint on the spot after listening their answers.

* * * * *

Once they are recovered from the shock-treatment of the answers, the strong-teachers of the lucky-students will try to help them by asking more details like what is your favorite subject? What is the relation between your career-goal and your current-academic-situation? etc...

And the mighty students have answers for these questions as well...

What they say I love Biology
What they mean I hate Mathematics. I just want to run away from the mathematical subjects. I don't care where I go. But I would like to shout "adios sucker" on my maths teacher's face.
Their career future Pursue a bio-technology course, beg request their friends to teach them how to solve all those differential equations used in the biochemistry subject
Their personal future They hate their parents. Dream about freedom. Consider marriage as an opportunity to escape from their current hardships. Assume that they have found their perfect match, loves that person, ignores everyone else, marries that person, realizes that their partner is far from perfect, eventually realizes that their situation got worse, share their problems with their friends, emotionally drain their friends, bore their friends to death, and constantly search for an another reliable friend - as their previous friends avoid them !!!

What they say I love Mathematics
What they mean I like it when my teacher praises me in the class. I like it when my classmates approach me to explain the subject. I like the attention it brings to me. I like being needed by others.
Their career future Gets requests from their peers to do their jobs for free
Their personal future They miss their college life. They have hard time digesting the fact that they are no longer needed by someone. When someone says "thank you", they reply back ... "NO NO NO...Thank you, for giving me an oppurtunity to earn a thanks". They become a victim of emotional vampires. !!!

And the list of such answers goes on and on and on...

7. Role of sports

To do

8. Facing the pain

Type - A : I like someone else


So, you have approached someone... made a proposal... and got informed that you were too late.

Or... you have an opposite gender friend, who has proposed to another person(most likely your best friend).

And, you get some pain in your chest, and you notice that your biology teacher's statement that the human-heart is at left was right. And you feel like you can hear your heart-beat as clearly as the drum-beat in a Micheal Jackson's song. You start to feel like your life is a rugby game between ANTS v/s ElephANTS - and you start to believe that you are like an ant, and you don't stand a chance against that elephant-like-person whom your special-one loves.

But, don't worry. This article will help you in overcoming that pain. This article will make you feel better.

The pain caused by this type of rejection has multiple dimensions like...

Lets see them one by one...

The self-doubts : Assuming that you are not one of those media-influenced-dreaming-about-unicorn-type-youth, let's discuss something here.

Assume that you are playing a chess game. (I assume that you know what is a chess game. In case if you don't know, here is the wiki link.)

If you have lost a game while playing with the white color, and if you have won the game while playing with the black color, is it correct (at least mathematically) to say that the fair knight(horse) is less powerful than the dark knight?

White should move in both the cases

If you imagine yourself as the helpless fair knight, and imagine the other person as the powerful dark knight, you are doing a mistake. The knight's powers are same - irrespective of the color, player, time and place. The only difference is the knight's commitments and situations.

Every person's requirements are unique and different. For example...

Bottom line:

There is no point in feeling defeated by the other person, simply because the situations are not in your favour.

Quickly roll a dice for 20 times and note down what are the numbers you get. If you always got 5 for all the 20 times, then you are greater than that "other person". If not, the other person is "greater" than you. Does it sound like stupidity? Does determining your greatness, based on a random event sound like stupidity to you? If you compare yourself with "the other person", based on the outcome of the interaction between millions of brain-cells in somebody's brain is much more random, then it is over-qualified as stupidity. It gets qualified as insanity.

If you are still offended, and actually tried rolling the dice for 20 times to verify if you get 5 for 20 times, or if you are obsessed about the outcome of the millions of those brain-cells, then it means that there are some serious flaws (like attention hunger, approval neediness, clinginess etc.) in your character/personality and you should work on it (Dealt later in this very page itself).

Type - B : I'm not interested


Type - C : You are just like others. I hate you. You broke my heart !!!

So... you have a close friend. And you feel that others appeal only to your eyes. But your close friend appealed to your eyes and also your heart. You are worried if you two might not be together after a farewell. You feel that your close friend deserves a special place in your life and you ask your friend if she is free this Friday night, to discuss the road-ahead.


And your close friend fires up. You realize for the first time that your so-far so-soft so-close friend is actually a fire-breathing-dragon. Your close friend feels sad, feels angry, hates you, says that you broke her trust. Your close friend might say that you used to deserve a good-opinion that you are different from others. But, now... you no longer deserve that good-opinion, because you have made a love-proposal. Your close friend might also say things like... "You have damaged my trust on friendship. I will never be friend with anyone".

And the poor you will be scratching (your head) , if you really deserve this harsh treatment simply for trying to make the friendship stronger.

MEANING of "You are just like others" :
When someone says "You are just like others", it means the following...

I have a victim mentality and my ego is satisfied when I hypnotize myself that the whole world is against me. It gives me immense happiness and ego-satisfaction when I bluff myself that everyone is interested only in my beauty.
I will take a ladder and climb the roof and shout loudly that people should stop loving me for my beauty.
But, internally, I care a lot about my beauty.

So, I keep telling myself that there are 100s of people who like my beauty. And I also keep telling myself that none of them are able to appreciate the hidden multiple great qualities in me. I feel satisfied when I bluff myslef that "Those people are not capable of identifying the 'true friend' in me". They are not capable of noticing my true inner beauty.

And... when I noticed that you value me for being myself, but not for my beauty, I was unable to digest it. I took half-a-dozen digene tablets and started sketching up a master plan. So, I became close to you, and I have succeded in grabbing your attention. Now that you have expressed your interest in me, I can bluff myself that... all these days, you tried to become close to me, only because of my beauty.

I love to develop a self-pity, and I would like to use you as an excuse for that. With your love-proposal, you have given me enough excuses to bluff myself that my beauty is my worst enemy. From now onwards, I can keep bluffing myself that, because of my beauty, I am unable to get the 'true friendship'.

I will hypnotize myself that you have helped my enemy (my beauty) to damage me... by taking away my friendship. By the way, I forgot to tell you that I have one more trait...

If I get bored with feeling pity for myself, I will convert that self-pity into hatredness on others. So, when I get bored with "My beauty is my worst enemy" feeling, I have no hesitation in hating you. That is why I come up with statements like "You broke my trust. You broke my respect on friendship. I will never do friendship with anyone again"

But, the fact is... I am going to say the same dialog with many more people in the future. Because, I need people so that I can hate them, and feel great about myself, and get drowned in self-pity. I easily get bored, and I keep repeating this entire process of making friends, becoming close to them, and blame them when they propose.


Some people simply want to believe that the life is not at all fair with them. So, they try to see themselves as victims.

Everything is a part of a bigger plot. They select a person with good qualities and/or a moderately popular guy and try to be close with him. They act as if they care a lot about that person. But, their true intention is to use that person for their ego satisfaction.

In most of the cases, the person who says... "You are just like others. You broke my trust", is the most likely one to start the relation with... "Can I be your friend?" in the first place.

Chances are likely that they praise you, force you to change 2-3 habits that they consider as unappropriate habits. You might be feeling "WOW!! My new friend takes care of me", and your "FRIEND" might be thinking... "YES!!! I have taught some manners to this cultureless brute"

Its always about them and their terms. They start the relation when they are bored. And they stop the relation when they get what they want.

What they want is an excuse to blame you that you like them only for their beauty. And when they blame you that you are just like all others, they mean that the entire world loves them only for their beauty.

Now, you may be tempted to prove your innocense to your friend. But your friend is not willing to believe the fact that you have made the proposal to strengthen the relationship between you two. Your friend will be willing to believe only those things that pleases your friend's ego. Your friend will not even listen what you say.

Now, it is upto you...


Just imagine a six-lines long movie scene....

1. A proud and crooked warrior feels that it has been a while since someone talked about his "strength". Fueled by his "Narcissistic rage", he goes on a rampage.
2. He enters a king's palace and challenges, if anyone is brave enough to fight against him and survive without getting crushed under his feet.
3. When everyone ignores his challenge, the warrior starts to hurt others.
4. The warrior goes on a rampage that is so wild that, the royal bodygaurd finally decides to accept his challenge to teach him a lesson
5. And, the fight begins... the bodygaurd will fight according to the rules, but the warrior don't mind crossing the rules.
6. The warrior's intention is to satisfy his blood-lust and to get declared as the "undefeated warrior".

"You are just like others" rejection story is almost same like the above story.
Let's see this tale of Winslet Titanic Fox (WTF) and Dicaprio Ultra-Muscular Bond007 (DUMB)

1. WTF feels that nobody has talked about her beauty/greatness/importance etc., since a very long time (2-3 days).
2. WTF will try to make friendship with others, who are not acknowledging her beauty/greatness/importance etc.
3. WTF tries to become close to DUMB.
4. DUMB feels that WTF, his now-new-close-friend deserves a special place in his life and DUMB makes a love-proposal to WTF.
5. And, the fight begins... DUMB says that WTF is VERY SPECIAL among others; and WTF blames that DUMB is just like others.
6. WTF's intention is to self-bluff ... "Everybody likes me only for my beauty!!!"


If WTF really thought that DUMB was any different from others...

WTF would have thought that DUMB's proposal is also different from others' proposals.
But it did not happen. Did it? Think about it !!!

DUMB was just a scape-goat who blindly believed that WTF is DUMB's close friend.
All these days, DUMB got fooled by blindly thinking that whatever WTF said to him was REAL.

Type - D : Lets just be friends


This is the most hurting type.

When someone really close to you, who has spent a lot of time with you, rejects you, it hurts really bad. But, with a little more careful observation, you can start the most magnificiant journey of your life. This glorious part of your journey starts when you start realizing the problems (or burdens) involved in fulfulling the "DUTIES" that are expected from you in your friendship duties.
When some more light is shed on this, you will be very much shocked to realize the naked truth.

What it means:

The words... "Lets just be friends" mean a lot of things.

MEANING OF "Lets just be friends" :
(For all the smart people who can understand things by reading just once)

"Lets just be friends" is just a sugar-coated way to say...

The road between us is a one-way.
What ever you expect from me, will not be given to you.
But I want you to do whatever I expect from you.

It simply means that, your "love-proposal" has been rejected and you are being burdened with their own "friendship-proposal". It is just a technique for not sounding rude for rejecting your proposal, exploiting your interests, and give you nothing in return.

Now, it is upto you...

MEANING OF "Lets just be friends" :
(For all the people who can understand things by reading them for the second time.)

MEANING OF "Lets just be friends" :
(For all those people who have no idea about the things even after reading them for an 'F' number of times)

(And also for all those who think... "my special-one has fewer(only 25)friends. The above 100s of friends stuff is not for me. I have a lot better chance.")

I want you to provide me all the things that a friend is supposed to provide me with.
But, I will not give you the things that you expect from a lover.

You have already informed me that you have a lot of interest on me.
I don't think that I have to do anything at all to grab your attention now.
You are already paying your entire attention on me.

But, someone else out there is not paying enough attention on me. (or at least, it will happen in future)
I have to do something to grab his attention. I want (many) friends like you to help me to grab his attention.

Chances are likely that I am going to propose that person.
I want you to help me. I might run into emotional situations.
Chances are likely that I am going to discuss all my love problems with you.
And I am sure that I have no romantic interest in you.

If you think that by playing a nice-guy-card, you will be able to change my mind, and make me to fall in love with you, DUDE... you are very much mistaken. There are dozens of other people trying to do the same thing with me. Everyone thinks that they are different from others. And everyone thinks that they can make me fall for them by helping/entertaining/supporting/tolerating me. I dont want to make them realize their mistake because, as soon as they realize their mistake, I will not get anything from them.

Even though I am not romantically interested in you, the only reason why I am still talking with you is... I want you to continue to help/entertain/support/tolerate me. If you don't have the ability to help/entertain/support/tolerate me, I would have already asked you to get out of my life. And, you are blind to observe this, because - you are too busy thinking that someone needs you, someone thanks you, someone praises you. But the reality is, I am exploiting you. And you are too dumb to realize that fact.


Still don't believe me?
Just go and ask that person...
"Why do you want to be friends with me?"

And you will get answers like...
"You have good qualities that are useful to others (especially me). You make me feel special/happy/trouble-free/entertained etc. I enjoy your company. "

But you will NEVER get answers like...
"I would like to help you with my good qualities. I want to make you feel special/happy/trouble-free/entertained etc. I want you to enjoy my company."


A person saying "I dont love you. Lets just be friends" is same as a person saying something like...
"I dont give a lift/ride to you. But I want you to give me all the money you have, wash my car, push my car till the next petrol station, and get lost".

Such a person dont even deserve your time. You should feel happy that such kind of exploiting and manipulating person is not going to be your life-partner.

9. Summary

10. Conclusion

By this time, I hope that you have figured out the differences between a boy and a man.

I hope that you agree with me when I say that, a man is a grown up boy, who is capable enough to face the problems in the real world.

And a boy is a not yet grown up man, who has not yet figured out how to face the problems in the real world.

Just imagine a situation...

Its your final examinations and you are going to college on a bike. You have convinced your friend to come with you on your bike instead of taking the college bus. When you are 5 km away from your college, the bike stops. No matter what you do, the bike wont start. There are no vehicles anywhere in the vicinity. The exam will start in 10 more minutes. You can't even run to your college to reach on time. You have faced a similar problem with your bike and you were able repair the bike run in just 2 minutes. But you are not able to recollect what did you do that time. Your friend is feeling tensed and angry as well. Because of you, your friend is also going to miss the examination. You are trying hard to recollect how to repair your bike.

But your concentration is being disturbed by a weeping kid. A kid is weeping out loudly next to you. The kid's parents are trying to convince him to have a different ice-cream. But that kid is weeping and screaming loudly that he want the first ice-cream that slipped out of his hand and fell down. The kid is demanding his parents to re-create that fallen ice-cream.

How do you feel about that kid?

In the same way...

The adult world is full of busy people like the seismologists - predicting the occurance of Tsunamis... Army people - trying to save the flood victims and fighting the terrorists.... scientists - trying to find the cure for the diseases... engineers - trying to make our lives better... spiritual gurus - trying to teach others the art of living, and the concepts of sound brain in a healthy body... physically handicapped people - winning olympic medals for their countries etc. etc....

And you are worried about somebody's stamp of approval on your forehead that you are loveable?

It is true that finding a life partner is a part of adult life. And, dealing with the situations when you don't find the right partner is also a part of adult life. If you have hard time in dealing with such situations, then you don't have enough skills to jump from the boy's world to the Men's world. Now, you have two options...

It is true that getting a succesful entry into the men's world is a tough job. And, once you are here, your fellow men will be more than happy to welcome you into this whole new world, where...
men look straight into the eyes of the problems toss and play with the difficult situtaions and live their lives with a smile on their faces, no matter what.

You just have to find a way to enter this new world. Earn your place in it.

In this whole new world, a whole new life is waiting for you. Go ahead and enjoy it.


If time permits me, I will come up with a female version of this article.
In that female version, I try to handle different questions like....