• 1. Introduction - Why every boy MUST face a rejection

• 2. Weak foundations - A weak building might have a weak foundation

• 3. CAPITALISM - And its role in alpha-male v/s beta-male classification

• 4. Role of Media : How media can ruin your life

• 5. Role of Parents : A little father-son-chat and its effects

• 6. Role of Teachers : An essay about cow, and a day-dream about unicorn

• 7. Role of Sports : What happens when you don't play enough sports?

• 8. Types of rejections : Get ready to face the pain...
  

  	Type - A : I like someone else
  	Type - B : I'm not interested
  	Type - C : You are just like others
  	Type - D : Let's just be friends



• 9. SUMMARY : Top 10 questions you should ask yourself when you feel rejected

• 10. Conclusion - Things that are supposed to be done before it is too late

"Every teenage boy MUST face the rejection at least once. Otherwise, he will never get a chance to become a MAN"

- Doesit matterwho saidit

"It doesn't matter who gave that statement. What matters is how much did you understand."

- Me

What is the (non-biological) difference between a BOY and a MAN?

No, I'm not talking about Sunil Gavaskar's cricket commentary... "The ability to hit the good balls to cross the boundaries".
(Sorry for the unintended pun ;) )

Now that I have got your attention diverted with the video of Sachin Tendulkar, let me bring back the question to you.
What is the (non-biological) difference between a BOY and a MAN?

It is a hard question - espesially during a time when the gender roles are getting redefined and are getting overlapped.
I leave the burden of figuring out the answer on your strong shoulders.

Its good if we can stay as a kid forever; but unfortunately that is not possible.
We have to growup and we have to find our place in the world of grown-ups.

If a building is weak, chances are likely that the building's foundations are weak. Similarly, if you are emotionally weak, chances are likely that your foundations in your childhood were laid weakly.

Our entry to the world of grown ups is made easy by our parents through the valuable lessons they teach us, and also through their gender roles. One parent's teachings are more inclined towards the emotional part of our brain. And the other parent's teachings are more inclined towards the logical part of our brain. And a balanced growth is a one in which both the logical and emotional quantities are balanced.

But, unfortunately... in the modern world, the logic-teaching-parent is unable to spend enough time with the kid due to various reasons including busy lifestyle, disturbed family relations, illness or even death. As a result, the way how kids grow up is getting affected.

For example...

If a kid keeps repeating the mistake of "misplacing the pencil",

an emotional parent will teach the kid...

"If you keep doing such mistakes, people call you a badboy and nobody likes you.
If you dont do any mistakes, people will call you a good boy and everybody likes a goodboy."

And when overdosed, that kid is more likely to grow into an approval-needy, attention-clingy, people-pleaser, who often wonders....

"I have learnt how to comb my hair, tie my shoelaces, iron my shirt. Now, where the hell is my lover? From which angle is my angel landing on my lap?"

* * *

And a logical parent will warn the kid...

"If you misplace the pencil again, I'm going to recover it's cost from your pocket money".

... And when overdosed, that kid is more likely to grow into a...

money-minded,
empathy-lacking,
cunningly oppurtunistic,
greedy fellow,
posing as a gigantic humanitarian,

...who often sketches the plans like...
"Let me encash the emotions of people by saying that they will get a great lover if they buy the stupid thing I am selling".

And statistically speaking, the logic-oriented-parents are spending lesser and lesser time with their kids, thus resulting in more and more number of the so called "Beta males" (approval-needy, people-pleasing persons) And these Beta males spend a lot of time in hypnotizing themselves that the so-called "Alpha males" are better than them.

And hence, guys are classified into two groups...
The so-called beta males - who, even after interacting for years, still hesitate to interact with girls, and have less/no affairs.
The so-called alpha males - who, don't hesitate to ask a girl for a date on the very first meeting, and have many affairs.

Some feminists condemn this alpha, beta classification as male chauvinism - since it projects women as pleasure objects. And, some masculinists object to this classification as a feminist conspiracy - since it grades men based on a woman's approval.

But the reality is...

while the masculinists and the feminists are busy fighting with each other, very few people investigate if this alpha-beta classification is a capitalist conspiracy to promote their business.

Are you wondering... what is the relation between capitalism and alpha-male v/s beta-male classification?
See these...

• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their 2 wheeler instead of a car.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their car instead of a 2 wheeler.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their debit card.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their mobile.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their soft-drink.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their chocolate.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their deodrant.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their shaving-cream.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their razors.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their footwear.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their tooth-paste.
• A commercial that says that you can get a girl if you buy their underwear.

And there is no wonder if someone, after watching the stupid videos, start thinking....

This commercial says that the ultimate goal is to have as many girls as possible in our lives. And this commercial claims that the stupid product will help me reach my goal. In that commercial, that guy got 4 girls after using the product. I am not a fool to believe it. In my case, that product might work with an efficiency somewhere between 70% to 80%.
So, I should get a minimum of 2.8 girls and a maximum of 3.2 girls.
WOW !!! I'm very good at applied Mathematics!!!
I'm smart. I'm energetic. I'm talented.
I will get the girls, money and popularity. Nothing can stop me !!!
I wonder when will the God send my special-one to me .

On the other hand, If a father spends some time with his son for a little father-son-chat like...
"Son, I work in the marketing domain. I bluff people to make them buy our crappy product" ...

... then, that kid, if he is smart enough, might figure out...

"I should not believe whatever I see in the media - especially when it promises me an affair unfair advantage over others.
I will protect myself from falling into the trap created by the capitalism and marketing.
I should try to conquer my weaknesses and illusions.
And more importantly, I should try to get the ability to out-smart such traps."

Our teachers are generally more experienced than us, and have seen the world a little longer than the time we saw it. Chances are likely that they have already seen people like us, they have already corrected others who made the same mistakes that we were/are doing. We might think that it is ok to skip few assignments, chillax a little. But in the long run, it might have some serious impact.

Lets consider an example, where the teacher has asked the students to learn 10 essays, out of which she might pick one essay for the next week's test. Stubborn students will not read any of the essays. Sincere students will learn all the 10 essays. But neither-stubborn, nor-sincere students end up learning only one essay - about the cow. In the test, the teacher has not picked a single essay for the entire class, but a different essay for each of the students. And this is how their test papers looked like...

Essay about :	Student's answer
Cow	Cow is a domestic animal. Cow has many uses. Cow has 4 legs. Cow has 2 horns. Cow has 1 tail. Cow gives us milk. Cow milk is good for our health. Cow is good for us.
Holidays	We went to our grandmother's home in the holidays. She owns 4 cows. Cow is a domestic animal. Cow has many uses. Cow has 4 legs. Cow has 2 horns. Cow has 1 tail. Cow gives us milk. Cow milk is good for our health. Cow is good for us.
Circus	Circus consists of animals. But circus dont have cows. Cow is a domestic animal. Cow has many uses. Cow has 4 legs. Cow has 2 horns. Cow has 1 tail. Cow gives us milk. Cow milk is good for our health. Cow is good for us.
Tiger	Tiger is a wild animal. It kills cows. Cow is a domestic animal. Cow has many uses. Cow has 4 legs. Cow has 2 horns. Cow has 1 tail. Cow gives us milk. Cow milk is good for our health. Cow is good for us.
Aeroplane	Aeroplane flies in the air. It has windows.When we see down, we see grass. Grass is eaten by cows. Cow is a domestic animal. Cow has many uses. Cow has 4 legs. Cow has 2 horns. Cow has 1 tail. Cow gives us milk. Cow milk is good for our health. Cow is good for us.

Now, the teacher gets frustrated with the students, and asks them if they are really interested in their studies or if they would like to select a different career. And, not so surprisingly, the students are not "PREPARED" to answer that question either. So, they try to employ two things to answer that question...

• The same technique that they have used to write the essay
• The knowledge they have gained through the media

To do

Type - A : I like someone else

DESCRIPTION :

So, you have approached someone... made a proposal... and got informed that you were too late.

Or... you have an opposite gender friend, who has proposed to another person(most likely your best friend).

And, you get some pain in your chest, and you notice that your biology teacher's statement that the human-heart is at left was right. And you feel like you can hear your heart-beat as clearly as the drum-beat in a Micheal Jackson's song. You start to feel like your life is a rugby game between ANTS v/s ElephANTS - and you start to believe that you are like an ant, and you don't stand a chance against that elephant-like-person whom your special-one loves.

But, don't worry. This article will help you in overcoming that pain. This article will make you feel better.

The pain caused by this type of rejection has multiple dimensions like...

• The self-doubts - If you are of lesser value when compared with someone else

• The hopes - If it would have been a different situation if you had made your move a little earlier

• The ego - If you would be coming up with a master-plan to win back that person

• The obligation - If you behave as if you don't have another option - just because the society/people expect you to do so

• The pain of rejection - If you really understand the difference between rejection and incompatibility

• The actual pain - If there is any difference in your life with that person's presence v/s absence

Lets see them one by one...

The self-doubts : Assuming that you are not one of those media-influenced-dreaming-about-unicorn-type-youth, let's discuss something here.

Assume that you are playing a chess game. (I assume that you know what is a chess game. In case if you don't know, here is the wiki link.)

If you have lost a game while playing with the white color, and if you have won the game while playing with the black color, is it correct (at least mathematically) to say that the fair knight(horse) is less powerful than the dark knight?

White should move in both the cases

• The person whom you love might be interested in someone who can notice the freshly bought ear-rings, while you might be busy talking about that integral calculus. Such people might be bored/scared of someone who teaches the difficult topics, but might instantly develop a crush for someone who notices their looks.

• The person whom you love might be vexed up with the compliments from others, and might be interested in someone who can help in building a career. Such people might be annoyed with any person making comments/compliments, but might eventually admire someone who can provide career guidance/help.

• Some people have strict objection to marry/date their friends, and have no problem in marrying/dating a stranger. And some people have a strict objection to talk with the strangers, and move freely with only those whom they know since some time.

• People tend to think a lot about the things that they don't have, and often ignore the things they already have. May be you were providing something (like attention/care/help/entertainment etc.) very much, that they failed to stop, notice and appreciate you. May be... if you stop providing whatever you are already providing, you may get some attention.

• It is also possible that the person whom you love don't know exactly what is love (And, also, ask yourself if you yourself know what is love). That person might be assuming whatever feeling is in the brain, that is called love.

Type - B : I'm not interested

DESCRIPTION :

Type - C : You are just like others. I hate you. You broke my heart !!!

DESCRIPTION :
So... you have a close friend. And you feel that others appeal only to your eyes. But your close friend appealed to your eyes and also your heart. You are worried if you two might not be together after a farewell. You feel that your close friend deserves a special place in your life and you ask your friend if she is free this Friday night, to discuss the road-ahead.


Bammmmmm

And your close friend fires up. You realize for the first time that your so-far so-soft so-close friend is actually a fire-breathing-dragon. Your close friend feels sad, feels angry, hates you, says that you broke her trust. Your close friend might say that you used to deserve a good-opinion that you are different from others. But, now... you no longer deserve that good-opinion, because you have made a love-proposal. Your close friend might also say things like... "You have damaged my trust on friendship. I will never be friend with anyone".

And the poor you will be scratching (your head) , if you really deserve this harsh treatment simply for trying to make the friendship stronger.


MEANING of "You are just like others" :
When someone says "You are just like others", it means the following...

I have a victim mentality and my ego is satisfied when I hypnotize myself that the whole world is against me. It gives me immense happiness and ego-satisfaction when I bluff myself that everyone is interested only in my beauty.
I will take a ladder and climb the roof and shout loudly that people should stop loving me for my beauty.
But, internally, I care a lot about my beauty.

So, I keep telling myself that there are 100s of people who like my beauty. And I also keep telling myself that none of them are able to appreciate the hidden multiple great qualities in me. I feel satisfied when I bluff myslef that "Those people are not capable of identifying the 'true friend' in me". They are not capable of noticing my true inner beauty.


And... when I noticed that you value me for being myself, but not for my beauty, I was unable to digest it. I took half-a-dozen digene tablets and started sketching up a master plan. So, I became close to you, and I have succeded in grabbing your attention. Now that you have expressed your interest in me, I can bluff myself that... all these days, you tried to become close to me, only because of my beauty.

I love to develop a self-pity, and I would like to use you as an excuse for that. With your love-proposal, you have given me enough excuses to bluff myself that my beauty is my worst enemy. From now onwards, I can keep bluffing myself that, because of my beauty, I am unable to get the 'true friendship'.

I will hypnotize myself that you have helped my enemy (my beauty) to damage me... by taking away my friendship. By the way, I forgot to tell you that I have one more trait...

If I get bored with feeling pity for myself, I will convert that self-pity into hatredness on others. So, when I get bored with "My beauty is my worst enemy" feeling, I have no hesitation in hating you. That is why I come up with statements like "You broke my trust. You broke my respect on friendship. I will never do friendship with anyone again"

But, the fact is... I am going to say the same dialog with many more people in the future. Because, I need people so that I can hate them, and feel great about myself, and get drowned in self-pity. I easily get bored, and I keep repeating this entire process of making friends, becoming close to them, and blame them when they propose.


ANALYSIS:

Some people simply want to believe that the life is not at all fair with them. So, they try to see themselves as victims.

Everything is a part of a bigger plot. They select a person with good qualities and/or a moderately popular guy and try to be close with him. They act as if they care a lot about that person. But, their true intention is to use that person for their ego satisfaction.

In most of the cases, the person who says... "You are just like others. You broke my trust", is the most likely one to start the relation with... "Can I be your friend?" in the first place.

Chances are likely that they praise you, force you to change 2-3 habits that they consider as unappropriate habits. You might be feeling "WOW!! My new friend takes care of me", and your "FRIEND" might be thinking... "YES!!! I have taught some manners to this cultureless brute"

Its always about them and their terms. They start the relation when they are bored. And they stop the relation when they get what they want.

What they want is an excuse to blame you that you like them only for their beauty. And when they blame you that you are just like all others, they mean that the entire world loves them only for their beauty.

Now, you may be tempted to prove your innocense to your friend. But your friend is not willing to believe the fact that you have made the proposal to strengthen the relationship between you two. Your friend will be willing to believe only those things that pleases your friend's ego. Your friend will not even listen what you say.


Now, it is upto you...

• To overcome your temptation (to prove yourself) and give your friend a great amount of "ego-satisfaction"...
  and get get slapped for breaking her trust ... or ...

• To offend your friend by saying that you did NOT made the proposal because of your friend's beauty...
  and get slapped for breaking her trust + to face her Narcissistic rage for hurting her ego

	1. A proud and crooked warrior feels that it has been a while since someone talked about his "strength". Fueled by his "Narcissistic rage", he goes on a rampage.
	2. He enters a king's palace and challenges, if anyone is brave enough to fight against him and survive without getting crushed under his feet.
	3. When everyone ignores his challenge, the warrior starts to hurt others.
	4. The warrior goes on a rampage that is so wild that, the royal bodygaurd finally decides to accept his challenge to teach him a lesson
	5. And, the fight begins... the bodygaurd will fight according to the rules, but the warrior don't mind crossing the rules.
	6. The warrior's intention is to satisfy his blood-lust and to get declared as the "undefeated warrior".

	1. WTF feels that nobody has talked about her beauty/greatness/importance etc., since a very long time (2-3 days).
	2. WTF will try to make friendship with others, who are not acknowledging her beauty/greatness/importance etc.
	3. WTF tries to become close to DUMB.
	4. DUMB feels that WTF, his now-new-close-friend deserves a special place in his life and DUMB makes a love-proposal to WTF.
	5. And, the fight begins... DUMB says that WTF is VERY SPECIAL among others; and WTF blames that DUMB is just like others.
	6. WTF's intention is to self-bluff ... "Everybody likes me only for my beauty!!!"

Type - D : Lets just be friends

DESCRIPTION :

This is the most hurting type.

When someone really close to you, who has spent a lot of time with you, rejects you, it hurts really bad. But, with a little more careful observation, you can start the most magnificiant journey of your life. This glorious part of your journey starts when you start realizing the problems (or burdens) involved in fulfulling the "DUTIES" that are expected from you in your friendship duties.
When some more light is shed on this, you will be very much shocked to realize the naked truth.

• This is the stage when you start realizing that inter-gender-friendship is not as interesting as you thought it was (when you were just a teenage kid).

• This is the stage when you stop looking-for/begging others to allow you to be their friend.

• This is the stage when you start thinking if you should allow that person to be your friend or not.

• This is the stage when you start deciding if someone deserves your quality time or not.

What it means:

• To reject their proposal and be called a rude jerk ... or ...
• To excuse yourself from meeting their expectations and be called a hopeless fellow ... or ...
• To accept their proposal and become a victim of a parasitic relation and be called a desperate fool.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who can supply my Narcissistic needs.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who are deseperate to have an opposite-gender-friend.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who give me compliments, whenever I upload a new picture.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who give me compliments, whenever I change my hair style.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who give me compliments, whenever I change my nail polish.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, whom I can pick to entertain me, whenever I feel bored.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who admire me when I explain a 2 minute event for 6 hours.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who feel so amazed when I explain the way how my pet cat excreted.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who feel that the stupid stuff I talk about is of Noble prize winning poetic standards.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who clap so hard till their hands bleed, whenever I do something on a stage.

• I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who clap and cheer for me, whenever I am the center of attraction.

• When I have a problem, I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who stand in a queue to help me.

• When I fight with someone, I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who take my side, and curse my enemy.

• When I feel emotional, I want you to be one of those 100s of people, who stand in a queue to have a lunch with me, where I can weep on their shoulders, swipe my nose with their shirt, treat them like a tissue paper, and finally... for all the affection they have showered on me, I can reward them by giving them the rightful place they deserve - in that stinking dustbin.

• ... And finally, I want you to be one of those 100s of stupid fools who blindly believe me when I say... "You are my only SPECIAL FRIEND"

"You have good qualities that are useful to others (especially me). You make me feel special/happy/trouble-free/entertained etc. I enjoy your company. "

"I would like to help you with my good qualities. I want to make you feel special/happy/trouble-free/entertained etc. I want you to enjoy my company."

• Weak foundations : Imbalance in the time spent by the parents can make the kids clingy
  ... or ... greedy .

• Capitalism : Capitalists will make you feel that you are a waste-fellow if you don't buy their products.

• MEDIA : Capitalists will use the media to make you to set very-high expecations.

• TEACHERS : Teachers play a crucial part in figuring out if our career-plans are just day-dreams
  ... or ... if we really have amazing powers hidden inside us.

• SPORTS : Sports will help us realize that up and down both are a part of our lives. And if we are too much worried about the result , we will fail to enjoy the game itself and we will never have fun. Sports prevent us from getting obsessed about positive outcomes.

• QUESTIONS : When you feel rejected, you should ask yourself the following questions...
  

  	Do I have a victim mentality? Am I enjoying my "self-pity" mode? Am I genuinely interested to take care of myself? Am I doing everything to make myself feel better? Do I introduce myself to others as a happy person? Or do I introduce myself to others as a sad fellow? Am I hurting myself?
  	Did I conquer my ego? Or did my ego conquer me? Do I really feel happy with that person? Or am I hypnotising myself that staying single is an insult to my self-worth? Am I treating a rejection as a challenge to my worthiness? Am I trying to get a "sense of achievement" by trying to satisfy my ego by winning that person's approval about my worth? Am I sacrificing my future-long-term-happiness for the sake of my present-short-term-ego-satisfaction?
  	Do I frequently ask my peers... "How is my new stuff?"... Do I feel great about myself only based on others' approval? Or am I a self-aware person with sufficient self-respect? Am I going through some kind of peer pressure - leading to a rush in finding a partner as soon as possible? Am I worried that my peers will THINK BAD about my character if I date/marry someone else? Will these character judging people, come forward and help me if I run into troubles after marrying an incompatible person?
  	Am I over-rating this person? Am I over-estimating the happiness this person can bring into my life?
  	Who has started this current relationship? Why was this relationship started? Who is trying to end this relationship? Am I taking less and giving more in this relationship? Did I get manipulated? Did I get trapped to supply someone's narcissistic needs?
  	Do I have enough guts to ask the direct face-to-face questions to find out if my friend is exploiting me?
  	Am I smart enough to out-smart a toxic/abusive/parasitic/exploitative relation?
  	Do I treat my stuff the same way I used to treat them when I bought them? Were there any situations, where I have changed my opinion about others? Do I love my parents the same way I used to love them 5-10 years ago? Do I have the capability to understand the question - if love fades over time or not?
  	Is my feeling, a love? Or is it an infatuation? Or is it a "person addiction"? By the way, what is Love?
  	Am I constantly looking for someone to show their appreciation/amazement towards my greatness/power/goodness/looks/positive-stuff, so that I can feel great about myself? Instead of realizing the flaws in my character, am I trying to hide my narcissistic thirst by covering it under the name of Love?

By this time, I hope that you have figured out the differences between a boy and a man.

I hope that you agree with me when I say that, a man is a grown up boy, who is capable enough to face the problems in the real world.

And a boy is a not yet grown up man, who has not yet figured out how to face the problems in the real world.

Just imagine a situation...

Its your final examinations and you are going to college on a bike. You have convinced your friend to come with you on your bike instead of taking the college bus. When you are 5 km away from your college, the bike stops. No matter what you do, the bike wont start. There are no vehicles anywhere in the vicinity. The exam will start in 10 more minutes. You can't even run to your college to reach on time. You have faced a similar problem with your bike and you were able repair the bike run in just 2 minutes. But you are not able to recollect what did you do that time. Your friend is feeling tensed and angry as well. Because of you, your friend is also going to miss the examination. You are trying hard to recollect how to repair your bike.

But your concentration is being disturbed by a weeping kid. A kid is weeping out loudly next to you. The kid's parents are trying to convince him to have a different ice-cream. But that kid is weeping and screaming loudly that he want the first ice-cream that slipped out of his hand and fell down. The kid is demanding his parents to re-create that fallen ice-cream.

How do you feel about that kid?

In the same way...

The adult world is full of busy people like the seismologists - predicting the occurance of Tsunamis... Army people - trying to save the flood victims and fighting the terrorists.... scientists - trying to find the cure for the diseases... engineers - trying to make our lives better... spiritual gurus - trying to teach others the art of living, and the concepts of sound brain in a healthy body... physically handicapped people - winning olympic medals for their countries etc. etc....

And you are worried about somebody's stamp of approval on your forehead that you are loveable?


It is true that finding a life partner is a part of adult life. And, dealing with the situations when you don't find the right partner is also a part of adult life. If you have hard time in dealing with such situations, then you don't have enough skills to jump from the boy's world to the Men's world. Now, you have two options...

• To realize your mistakes and go back to learning the basics and try again. ... or ...
• To do nothing about your mistakes and become an outcast and get kicked out.

• Why can't I find a decent guy?

• He says that he loves me, but he is is not ready to marry. Why?

• His love is fading day by day. Why?

• He is not responding to my signals, and ignores me. Why?

• I just want others to be my friends. But most of my best friends are making a love proposal. Why?

• Are there any friendship rules to be followed if I don't want my friend to propose me?

• etc. (Feel free to ask your questions in the comments section... )